I Was Ghosted After 6 Months of Dating

by The Violet Journal
ghosted after 6 months of dating

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Last year I was ghosted by a man I had been dating for six months. There were no signs that he was going to leave – one day he just did. We talked every day for six months and then suddenly there was nothing.

Being ghosted after six months was one of the most confusing experiences of my life. Ghosting someone after two weeks? Sure. I don’t agree with it, but I can get my head around it. But I dedicated six months of my life to a man who didn’t even have the decency to break up with me, and that hurt.

 

The Beginning

I always knew the relationship wasn’t going to last forever. He told me from the very beginning that he didn’t like commitment and I told him that was okay. Perhaps I was naïve for trusting someone who “doesn’t do commitment”, but I had just gotten out of a pretty traumatic relationship and I was okay with something less intense for a while.

But as we spent more and more time together, I began to think that things were different. I began to think that I was different. He started to treat me like his girlfriend and I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it.

We spoke every day, he treated me well, and we had a lot of good times together. I trusted him with my feelings and he trusted me with his. It wasn’t love, but we were two people who enjoyed each other’s company and for a while things were nice.

Until one day he just disappeared.

For the first few weeks I assumed he was just busy. He had a busier schedule than me and often took longer to reply, but as the weeks went by I realised he probably wasn’t coming back.

I was confused and hurt and I didn’t know what I had done wrong. It didn’t dawn on me until much later that this was his fault, not mine, and so I struggled with intense feelings of guilt and shame for months.

The sad part is I didn’t realise I liked him as much as I did until he left. I didn’t let myself feel the feelings I had for him out of fear of getting hurt, but when I look back I know they were there. At the time I was struggling with my mental health but he made me happy during a very difficult time and I’ll always be grateful for that, despite the fact that he also caused me a tremendous amount of pain.

 

The Return

That’s not actually the end of the story. Around six months later, as soon as I had come to terms with what had happened, he popped back into my life. I was cautious but the little words “I miss you” made me believe that maybe this time things would be different.

They weren’t.

This time we only talked for a few weeks before he ghosted me again. It wasn’t a surprise – I always assumed he’d do the same thing twice – but I still kicked myself for letting him back into my life.

I never asked him why he left me in the first place, but I acknowledged his disappearance and he gave me a vague answer about family problems. I don’t mind not having the answers since nothing he could have said could justify the way he left, but the lack of an explanation left me just as confused and hurt as before.

 

The Aftermath

This experience was a huge wake up call for me. I have a habit of letting people who have hurt me back into my life. That’s just who I am – I tend to see the best in people and I like to believe that people can change, but the reality is that some people will hurt you over and over again if you let them. It’s up to you and only you to protect yourself from such people.

I’ve been in toxic relationships with people much worse than the man who ghosted me and so it took me a while to accept I had been taken advantage of. Even though the ending was terrible, he was still a good person and I had a hard time accepting that someone so kind could do something so cruel. It was difficult to deal with at the time, but these days I just see the whole thing as a learning experience.

I don’t mind being single. In fact I’m beginning to enjoy it. I’m finally learning how to be happy on my own and it feels great.

If I’ve learned anything from the past few years it’s that you shouldn’t let someone else determine your happiness. I have so many goals and dreams and none of them involve other people. Life is a journey which I’m able to go through alone, but if people want to join me then I’ll happily welcome them. I believe that human connections are vital in maintaining happiness (read more about that here) but I will never, ever ask someone to stay in my life when they don’t want to.

 

Read Next: Why Everyone Should Know the Signs of a Narcissist

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5 comments

Kate at lovemyanxiousbrain.com July 17, 2020 - 7:23 am

I felt every word of this, because I had a very similar experience with a man who ghosted me after about 9 months and then returned about 18 months later – only to ghost me again! I reacted the same way as you – feeling confused, hurt and blaming myself at first, before processing it and putting the blame where it truly belongs (on him). And I wrote a blog post about my experience, too! I think writing about it helps with processing. Lots of people replied saying they’d had something similar happen and I started to realise how often this happens to people. I’m sorry you’ve been through it too. Thank you for sharing such an honest and helpful post x

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The Violet Journal July 18, 2020 - 8:57 am

Thank you so much for sharing your story! It was a really odd thing to go through because it was totally unexpected, but it’s relieving to hear that other people have been through the same thing. I checked out your post and you have some really great tips for dealing with something like this.

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Kate at lovemyanxiousbrain.com July 21, 2020 - 5:13 pm

Yes, I felt the same way – so relieved to hear other people’s stories about going through the same thing. It made me feel much less confused. Thank you for reading mine, too!

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Paige Eades July 20, 2020 - 8:22 pm

This story tore me; I think that this is just so awful and horrible. I don’t understand why people do this; at least have the decency to end things instead of ghosting to give you some closure. I’m glad to read that you are happy single and feel secure within yourself – you seem to have a positive outlook and take life experiences as a learning curve which is a great way to adapt. Thank you for sharing this; it was an engaging read.

Paige // Paige Eades

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The Violet Journal July 21, 2020 - 12:22 pm

Aw Paige! Thanks so much for the kind words – it means a lot. You’re right, I have such a positive outlook when I look back on it but the uncertainty was difficult to deal with at the time. Hoping to shed some light on it because it seems to happen to so many people!

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